My (hopefully humorous) take on what marriage is like at my school.
Marriage
Affection spreads at the rate of zombie viruses in movies
at BYU. In class, chances are someone within arm’s length has a wedding band
on. Keep in mind, this is only the married students I’m talking about here. Add
in the engaged and the seriously dating and it skyrockets to epidemic levels of
infection. Over twenty thousand lost souls: the size of a small city.
The symptoms include cuddling in open spaces, blushing,
random grinning for no apparent reason, constant talking about a member of the
opposite sex, filled in weekends, bags under the eyes from texting to two in
the morning, and the list continues. If exhibiting more than one of these,
don’t panic. Endure the incubation period with a brave face. Just try to remain
quarantined so as not to infect others.
Winter is the safest time of year. The love zombies are
generally kept indoors and the unpredictable weather makes it more difficult
for them to plan outings to entrap the rest of us with ‘group dates’ and saved
seats at firesides. Do not be fooled. Their only goal is to make everyone else
like them until the entire campus is filled to the brim. Spring is the worst,
even the plants pair off. Avoid it if possible. If unavoidable… I’m sorry. I’m
so sorry but you might as well give in. It’ll be easier that way.
